Afraid to Fail, January Review, and February Goals

I know I am not a perfect blogger and that makes me stay away from this space.

I have these big expectations in my head about how I should act if I start blogging again. Self-induced pressure to do something the right way or not do it at all.  But a tendency of mine is letting the perfect be the enemy of the good, and that is something I need to continue fighting off because it tends to hold me back.  I have been scared to write here because I don’t know how to be the blogger I want to be, and it’s easier to not be a blogger at all.

So here I am in February showing my cards. I am not going to become a perfect blogger. I’m not going to gain a following and inspire people and create an extra income stream and blow the world away with my words.

But I’m going to try to show up here, anyways. Because I enjoy writing and because I want to chronicle my life.

There are some good things happening in this little world of mine, and I want to keep track of it here.

I decided to create my own sort of happiness project and have a different “focus” each month this year as I try to improve on various aspects of my life. The focus of January was fitness, and I have to say I blew myself away.  I logged 29 workouts in January (that’s only 2 total rest days the whole month). I signed up for Tina Reale’s Best Body Bootcamp and I have stayed committed and motivated, consistently meeting my personal weekly goals and pushing myself pretty hard through the weekly workouts. I spun, ran, kickboxed, yoga-ed, weight lifted, kettlebelled, and rowed in January. I developed some wonderful habits like planning my workouts for the week on Sunday nights and writing them into my planner like appointments. I tried some new classes, thought about which type of workouts suit me best, and pushed myself through some classes that I really didn’t feel like doing.

In four weeks, I have really improved on my physical fitness. Unfortunately, the results are not showing in my measurements right now. In fact, I have gained a pound (though I am convinced it’s muscle), only lost 1/2″ off my waist, and gained 1/2″ in my butt and thighs. Not exactly the results I had in mind. However, it’s the results of the four week fitness test that make me insanely proud. In four weeks, I shaved 2:03 off my mile pace.  I also was able to add 20 seconds to my wall sit hold, and 26 seconds to my plank hold.  In my one minute push-up test I added six reps, and in the one minute burpee test I added two reps. Those results are not something to sneeze at. I worked hard for those increases, and I’m proud of myself. It definitely takes some of the sting out of not losing weight and gaining inches on butt and thighs (UGH). I need to take the advice that I would give to a friend in this situation – I would say weight loss takes time and building muscle is so much more important; don’t focus on the scale, focus on how you feel. Sometimes easier said than done, but I’m trying to smile and keep pushing through.

Let’s talk about February! My focus in February is friends! I have struggled with female relationships and part of the reason is because I don’t always show up 100% for my friends, a habit I am determined to put to rest for good. When I don’t feel close with my girlfriends, it feels like a big part of my life and my happiness is missing. Some of my specific goals are:

  • Reconnect with an old friend
  • Make a new friend
  • Plan a girls night with college girls
  • Send two peices of snail mail
  • Call Anne twice
  • Skype with Chrissy twice
  • Have a heart to heart with Amanda & Lauren
  • Plan a girls trip for the spring

February is a dreary month, so focusing on having fun with my friends seems like a great way to beat the winter blahs!